Ladies Only

 This post will most likely NOT be one for the readers who operate from a place of raging testosterone.  This one is to address the issues I have discovered from my ongoing journey with chemotherapy as a woman.  Sooooo.........while I can't keep anyone out of the room, I can warn you, some of this is not pretty or dainty or something everyone wants to know.

But, I promised early in that I would be truthful and real about my own journey in the hope that it might help prepare someone else who has to walk it.  Or, at the very least, let them know they are not alone.

Bottom line, chemo is poison.....plain and simple.  And poison takes prisoners and releases few hostages.  The handouts, the classes, the consultations can help to prepare you, but nothing actually resonates until you are in the grip of your treatment.  Because we are all different and different things affect us in different ways.

Mildly annoying but still concerning is the fact that your eyesight and your hearing may get worse.  If you are me, you turn the hearing aids up to max and find a stronger set of "readers" to get you by.

We've discussed the neuropathy which is a total bitch, but this week, we have to factor in the raging screaming fire in the joints and muscles.  Imagine the worst case of the flu you ever had and then multiply it by 10.  Your feet want to be cold because neuropathy is eased by cold, but your joints want heat.  This is fun.  Luckily, I purchased a couple of pair of cold socks quite some time ago and those have helped with the keeping myself in a state of "cold feet".  Amazon has these, but I got mine for free with my OTC credit with my Medicare supplement.  So, cold socks on feet and a heated throw folded over a few times laid across my knees with my feet elevated.....and some pretty heavy pain meds kept this beat down fairly well.  Could I walk?  Not very well.  Was I happy and sunny and pleasant?  Not at all.  One day, did I lay in the floor and cry my eyes out and beg for an end to that pain..........I absolutely did.....more than once.  Chemo is teaching me it has a schedule for me.  Treatment day (a long and tiring day,  day 2 - I feel fine, day 3 crap starts going south on me and day 4 is a total waste....and this time day 5 wasn't great either.  I just have to let chemo have its' timeline (which does not at all work with what mine needs to be.)  Today, I plan to go to work and hopefully work out the week and then perhaps I will have a somewhat normal week next week.....and then we start nearing starting the whole cycle over again.

Now comes the gross, icky, not for the faint of heart folks among us.  The ravages chemotherapy takes on the soft tissues areas of your body is not to be taken lightly.  Honestly, had I have known what I was in for, I would have gone into debt to purchase a Bidet for my bathroom.  Those mysterious secret places that we don't often focus on can become the equivalent of a flashing neon sign with red hot bulbs nearing explosion.  There is no toilet paper known to man gentle enough for these places....and since toilet paper is made from....well paper....it leaves a residue that eventually causes other issues.  Therefore, if you are a person of means....buy the Bidet.  You will also need to keep petroleum jelly and moisture control barrier creams at the ready.  And, I also utilize medical honey.  This is really messy, but when it comes to healing....it honestly cannot be beat.

Your throat will be raw, the inside of your nose will be raw.  Your mouth will be super sensitive (spicy food won't be your friend), and dry mouth will be an ever present companion.  Your taste buds will forsake you.  You will eat things you think are going to be tasty and find they taste nothing like you are expecting.  For me, citrus was the only thing I could actually taste that was remotely pleasant.

All of these things contribute to the overwhelming feeling of just plain old bone tired.  A tired that makes simple things like going to the kitchen to make something to eat almost more than you can do.  I'm learning to plan ahead.  I make muffins that can be microwaved from the freezer.  Tuna salad, chicken salad, things that can be spread on toast quickly....are my friends.  I utilize Walmart delivery and I commiserate with my dogs that I am just an altogether boring human being right now.  

But, I am learning to "tell" my oncology team what I'm dealing with and allow them to figure it out for me and they are truly invested in making this as easy as it can be for me.  I am grateful for that.  I have requested a "port" (which I should have done at the outset) because my veins just can't take the onslaught long term.  That should be happening in the next week or so.  And tomorrow I go for labs and a consult about how I did through this last round of treatment and hopefully to get my schedule for at least 2 more treatments upcoming.  It takes some logistical work to get drivers to take me for treatment as I don't want to use and abuse the good nature of those willing.

As always, if you have specific questions for me, please feel free to ask.  If I have personal knowledge that will help you I am only too happy to share.

Sending you all love and light from the path to better.  Be good to each other you have no idea what others are dealing with.