Reality Can Bite

Every time, every.danged.time.  I think I've got this thing conquered and it isn't going to lay me flat for a sold week, it looks at me and roars back.

I am not going to lie.....this is tough.  And, I'm tired today.  I'm tired of not being able to walk and do things for myself.  I'm tired of sitting and feeling helpless, which often leads to hopeless.

I want this to be easier...for me....for everyone.  But it will not relent.  It is determined to show me who is the BIG BOSS and I'm fighting to show it a BIGGER one.  

I thought the delayed reactions were a harginger of better days to come but no.....they have only made the days much harder and way more severe.  My knees are just absolutely on fire with pain today and I can't get on top of them.

This is like the song my Granddaughter used to sing "We're going on a bear hunt"  Can't go over it, can't go under it, can't go around it....have to go through it.  And, today I feel so sorry for everyone who has to deal with this on this level.  It is hard and exhausting and mind numbing.....in short it is a hell on earth and there is no use in sugar coating it.

I know God is holding me because I'm still here and still fighting but this day is hard and I am desperately praying that tomorrow is easier because my weak human nature feels pretty danged defeated today.  And, I honestly think I'm allowed that.  I also know that without God I would not still be even remotely functional and I am so very grateful for His Divine intervention.....and I am praying He touches me with a healing touch soon so that I can jerk myself out of this mire of self-pity and do something more uplifting for me and for all of you.

The tunnel is dark today but I still see a sliver of light....maybe tomorrow it will grow bigger and brighter and show me there IS a forward path.  I pray for it.  Sorry to be a Dafne Downer today, it's just all I can manage right now.  Love you all and thanks for the prayers and all support you provide!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understand; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." - Proverbs 3:5-6