Last Week

Last Week.  The week that refuses to turn loose of me.  After being so optimistic about things because side effects and reactions delayed setting in, I spent a very troubling week.  Chemo and I have had quite the Battle Royale this week.  Once things kicked off, they went blazing off into the ditch of near dispair.  Neuropathy....the worst it has been to date.  Joint paint....pretty danged near dibilitating.  Mental Health....I hate to share how absolutley I simply wanted to go to sleep and wake up somewhere else as anyone other than me.  My immune system took a crash course in tanking which sent me back up north for fluid infusions, shots, more meds and more than a few sympathetic looks.  What is puzzling is that anything they do to help with these issues, comes with a whole prize package of something else....bone pain, upset stomach, etc. with little to no relief for the things they are trying to get a handle on.

Today, I think I feel better, maybe I just want to so badly I'm deluding myself.  My feet, legs and knee joints are still a big old mess.  And the ends of my fingers have zero feeling, making typing a very enlightening endeavour.

I didn't get to work even one day last week.  My poor little dogs keep looking at me like "what on earth is wrong with you....all you do is sleep."

I get it.

My daughter has been great about taking me to appointments this past week.....some of them we scarcely get back home and we are off up the mountain again.  This crap works a hardship on everyone it touches.

Anyway, I did realize that I left everyone hanging with updates, but right now there is little good to say.  I remain hopeful that this will move out soon, because the next round looms on the horizon and I'm not sure I have the strength for it right now.

I am grateful to everyone who has reached out and offered to help, there is just little to be done right now...but knowing you think of me and make an effort is huge.

Anyway, I'm still praying for the people I've mentioned previously....I saw a few of them this past week....they are struggling too and that hurts me.  I fail to understand how cancer has been such a BIG bad booger bear for decades and little has been done that actually helps the patient.  I question if medical science wants to find a cure or if there is just waaay too much money here to risk it.  I will say I am spending a  lot of time overthinking and often regretting my decision to do this....and that makes me mad.

Not a terribly uplifting post today, but I am literally doing the very best I can right now....the very best I can.  And that is trusting that God knows the final outcome and He will help me through it all.

-Lavetta